Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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