I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
