you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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