dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
