Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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