Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
