If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
