Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
