meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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