Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
