It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
