Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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