he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
