So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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