based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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