It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
