You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
