Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize