If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think people are normalizing furries
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
