my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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