What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
