took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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