I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can I color on your dick again?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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