Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
