I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
