whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
