New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
