Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
