the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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