dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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