THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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