she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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