They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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