my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
