You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
