u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
