I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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