I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
