So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
