Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
