Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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