...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
