i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
