in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize