I love black thongs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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