5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
