im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
