honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
