I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
