So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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