Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
