so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
