have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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