just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
