Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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