we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
