it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
