there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
