sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
