Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
