It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I did not marry a roomba.
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