I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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