OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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