You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
