I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
