Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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