On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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